"Mayhem: The Malice Files"

Note: if you're a woman, never go to Jiffy Lube first thing in the morning.

And if you do go, try to avoid having an Egg McMuffin in your hands. There's just something about women, breakfast, and mechanics .... to be blunt, you're gonna make someone's day. And depending on how many people are gathered simultaneously under the hood of your car, you might make the day of a small village .....

I started writing this on Sunday night, after getting off the phone with Lamont. I must say that, for his part, the 124 has weaned himself from the phone. Since he left this little leftover piece of frozen colonial pie that I now call home, he's called me an average of 3 times a day. We're down to 3 a week now, or at least....when he correctly dials my number. I've been told he calls other friends and asks for me. And he wonders why I call him a knucklehead....

124: hey! Its not my fault that I forget why I call you by the time you've answered the phone. But at least you answer the phone........unlike Morrison.

Of course, then Simone called. Now I don't actually know Simone. I do know that she is the babymama of a co-worker of mine. Said co-worker called me early this afternoon to discuss a project. Said Simone called me at 9:30 tonight while I was in the bathtub, tryin' to talk trash.

Note: bubbles and bitches do not a Calgon experience make.

This on top of the fact that it's the 1 year anniversary of the famed green tea incident.

*hush Stoph*
124: ...stoph, we will talk about green tea later on

It's hurtin' time folks. But at least I can extract some small feeling of accomplishment from knowing that I've successfully fed lamont's ego. Because how narcisitic can you get? Soliciting other people to write a column to be sent out to various other people, most of whom don't know each other and only have one thing in common: this knucklehead who's content to be identified by a number.

124: .....

Because what else are you going to talk about????

An hour later: I'm still at Jiffy Lube. I'm coming to the realization that Jiffy doesn't mean what it used to mean. Back in my day ......

all regards
Malice

Current rotation: Brand Nubian "Dont Let It Go To Your Head"
QTip "Wait Up", "Higher", "Things We Do"
Dionne Warwick "Dionne!"
DJ HiTek "Tekzilla feat Common"
Soulive
Mos Def "Umi Says"

Peace Y’all. Next Week: Kim (maybe......for the third time)
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